Archive for the Bitchy Category

Myth-Labeled (06-03-2012)

Posted in Bitchy on June 4, 2012 by ericandabbie

Guys.  Did you think we’d go a whole year without a post!?  Well, we did too.  But, in honor of Kristen’s birthday, even though she’s being a little impatient with us being four days late / eleven months late, we are back.  In a big way!  Almost…

So, to catch you up to speed… since we last posted, Eric has left his job, the space shuttle program has ended, and we now live together, which makes you think we have more time to do this… but listen, do y’all have RedZone!?  That shit takes up a Sunday like nobody’s business.  Touchdown Montage for the win!  So that’s where we were this fall.  This spring is harder to explain.  Suffice to say that, well, time flies when you’re having fun and when the WordPress interface blows.  GUI, hahaha.

Image

Also, we’ve completed seven puzzles over the last year. Or, rather, seven puzzles in 2011, and um, we’re ohfer in 2012. And yes, these are obviously hanging over the mantle.

On to the puzzle.  The theme was a bigoted attempt to make fun of people with lithpth.  At least, because we’re super-racist, that’s what WE assumed (note: people with lithpth are a rathe).  Turns out, the puzzle has a really stupid theme about what would happen in myths had warning labels (eg. 96A “WARNING: Do not open” PANDORA’S BOX).  In typical bigot fashion, however, there was not a single reference to Jews.  Way to go, Will.  Way.  To.  Go.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 22A: Saint Clare of Assisi’s Sister (AGNES).  This is a highlight because there is some Saint Agnes that Abbie claims to have read about who chopped off her boobs in the name of the Lord.  Granted, she went to a kind of weird Catholic school.  Anyhow, we have checked out St. Agnes on Wikipedia and we do not believe that this is real.  We have verified by googling “Saint who cut off her boobs.”  It was Agatha.  Our b–, y’all.
  • 91: _____ Creed (statement of religious beliefs) NICENE.  We like the clarification because otherwise we thought it was THE BEST BAND EVER IS.
  • 2D: Actor Cary (ELWES).  Twuuuuue Wuv.
  • 15D: Antediluvian (AGE OLD).  We like this because if you
    Image
    Genesis 7: And lo the waters raged upon the earth, forming vaginas to swallow up all but the lucky animals saved on Noah’s ark.

    wikipedia antediluvian (which we had to do because we did not know what the word meant), you learn two things.  First, antediluvian means before the “deluge” (or biblical flood), and two, it is quite possible to draw a flood as a vagina.

  •  42D: Oscar winner for “Little Miss Sunshine” (ALAN ARKIN).  “She’s a superfreak.   Superfreak.  She’s super-freaky…”
  • 61D: Fictional friend of Peter the goatherd (HEIDI)  We’d like to discuss this clue.  First, who is Peter the goatherd?  Why isn’t he a goatherd-er?  Is he the herd?  Crazy.  Second, we like the idea of a fictional friend, as opposed to an imaginary friend.  An imaginary friend is someone who isn’t real, but a fictional friend is a friend who you write a book about to justify the fact that, still, he is not real.  Also, why is her name Heidi?  Is she a goat?  A goatherd?  Or a goatherder?  Fun fact: Abbie’s boobs are named Ingrid and Heidi.  Eric’s balls are named Matt and Damon.  Seriously dude, contact us.  (Keepin’ it classy on WordPress.  Sorry there’s no butt sex this time, but we are trying our best to make up for it.)
  • 46D: Like Spam (PRE-COOKED).  Yum.  We mean, yum?  Also, Abbie once had a Spam calendar.  Like every
    Image
    This is the actual calendar. Available for purchase at barnesandnoble.com. Umm, do they know it’s 2012?

    month came with a different recipe.  She got it for like 30% off because it was already March when she got it.  But it included such hits as “January: Put it on bread” and “February: Barf it back up”.

  • 99D: “Young Frankenstein” role (INGA).  Roll, roll, roll in zie hay.  It was between her and Igor.  “Walk this way.  No, THIS way.”

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

  • 72A meets 68D: Saloon singer Sylvia / “Bewitched” regular Paul (SYMS / LYNDE).  Our only mistake.  We correctly guessed the vowel sound would be a short ‘i’, but we went with the ‘i’ and not the sometimes ‘y’.  Damn you Will Shortz.Image

 

  • 37A: John (LAV).  Hey John!  Sorry we ignored your call during the puzzle, and even sorrier that your name means toilet.  And even more sorry that Sam tried to pretend like Eric was cheating on you with Abbie when in fact we all know that you’re the dirty slut in this sexy-ass three way.  Anyway…
  • 4D: WARNING: May cause damnation if swallowed (FORBIDDEN FRUIT).  Are you calling the Bible a myth?  It is the Word of God, and we are offended.  Super offended.  Obviously our previous notes about boob-cutting are proof that we take God very seriously.  Greek religion?  Total crap / myth.  Our religion.  Don’t play.
  • 75D: Gainesville athlete (GATOR).  Fuck Florida.  Still not over the 2007 BCS massacre followed immediately by the 2007 basketball massacre and followed yet again by the 2008 football massacre.  Slash, speaking of the bible, Fuck Tebow.  Did you know there is apparently a bounty out in the NFL for whatever girl takes his V-card?  There is.  Abbie’s in.  (So is Eric.)

On that note, it’s time to say goodnight.  We’ve hit the f-bomb quota (thus we can’t say it in this line), and we are out.  We would like to wish Happy Birthdays to pretty much the entire planet (except those with birthdays in June.  We did not miss your birthdays) since we’ve missed everybody else.  But mostly to Kristen.  We love you so much that we have resurrected a dead blog for which we no longer knew the password, but did eventually hack into the mainframe.

Security is tight at WordPress.  Adios,
ericandabbie

Myth-Labeled (06-03-2012)

Posted in Bitchy on June 4, 2012 by ericandabbie

Guys.  Did you think we’d go a whole year without a post!?  Well, we did too.  But, in honor of Kristen’s birthday, even though she’s being a little impatient with us being four days late / eleven months late, we are back.  In a big way!  Almost…

So, to catch you up to speed… since we last posted, Eric has left his job, the space shuttle program has ended, and we now live together, which makes you think we have more time to do this… but listen, do y’all have RedZone!?  That shit takes up a Sunday like nobody’s business.  Touchdown Montage for the win!  So that’s where we were this fall.  This spring is harder to explain.  Suffice to say that, well, time flies when you’re having fun and when the WordPress interface blows.  GUI, hahaha.

Image

Also, we’ve completed seven puzzles over the last year. Or, rather, seven puzzles in 2011, and um, we’re ohfer in 2012. And yes, these are obviously hanging over the mantle.

On to the puzzle.  The theme was a bigoted attempt to make fun of people with lithpth.  At least, because we’re super-racist, that’s what WE assumed (note: people with lithpth are a rathe).  Turns out, the puzzle has a really stupid theme about what would happen in myths had warning labels (eg. 96A “WARNING: Do not open” PANDORA’S BOX).  In typical bigot fashion, however, there was not a single reference to Jews.  Way to go, Will.  Way.  To.  Go.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 22A: Saint Clare of Assisi’s Sister (AGNES).  This is a highlight because there is some Saint Agnes that Abbie claims to have read about who chopped off her boobs in the name of the Lord.  Granted, she went to a kind of weird Catholic school.  Anyhow, we have checked out St. Agnes on Wikipedia and we do not believe that this is real.  We have verified by googling “Saint who cut off her boobs.”  It was Agatha.  Our b–, y’all.
  • 91: _____ Creed (statement of religious beliefs) NICENE.  We like the clarification because otherwise we thought it was THE BEST BAND EVER IS.
  • 2D: Actor Cary (ELWES).  Twuuuuue Wuv.
  • 15D: Antediluvian (AGE OLD).  We like this because if you
    Image
    Genesis 7: And lo the waters raged upon the earth, forming vaginas to swallow up all but the lucky animals saved on Noah’s ark.

    wikipedia antediluvian (which we had to do because we did not know what the word meant), you learn two things.  First, antediluvian means before the “deluge” (or biblical flood), and two, it is quite possible to draw a flood as a vagina.

  •  42D: Oscar winner for “Little Miss Sunshine” (ALAN ARKIN).  “She’s a superfreak.   Superfreak.  She’s super-freaky…”
  • 61D: Fictional friend of Peter the goatherd (HEIDI)  We’d like to discuss this clue.  First, who is Peter the goatherd?  Why isn’t he a goatherd-er?  Is he the herd?  Crazy.  Second, we like the idea of a fictional friend, as opposed to an imaginary friend.  An imaginary friend is someone who isn’t real, but a fictional friend is a friend who you write a book about to justify the fact that, still, he is not real.  Also, why is her name Heidi?  Is she a goat?  A goatherd?  Or a goatherder?  Fun fact: Abbie’s boobs are named Ingrid and Heidi.  Eric’s balls are named Matt and Damon.  Seriously dude, contact us.  (Keepin’ it classy on WordPress.  Sorry there’s no butt sex this time, but we are trying our best to make up for it.)
  • 46D: Like Spam (PRE-COOKED).  Yum.  We mean, yum?  Also, Abbie once had a Spam calendar.  Like every
    Image
    This is the actual calendar. Available for purchase at barnesandnoble.com. Umm, do they know it’s 2012?

    month came with a different recipe.  She got it for like 30% off because it was already March when she got it.  But it included such hits as “January: Put it on bread” and “February: Barf it back up”.

  • 99D: “Young Frankenstein” role (INGA).  Roll, roll, roll in zie hay.  It was between her and Igor.  “Walk this way.  No, THIS way.”

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

  • 72A meets 68D: Saloon singer Sylvia / “Bewitched” regular Paul (SYMS / LYNDE).  Our only mistake.  We correctly guessed the vowel sound would be a short ‘i’, but we went with the ‘i’ and not the sometimes ‘y’.  Damn you Will Shortz.Image

 

  • 37A: John (LAV).  Hey John!  Sorry we ignored your call during the puzzle, and even sorrier that your name means toilet.  And even more sorry that Sam tried to pretend like Eric was cheating on you with Abbie when in fact we all know that you’re the dirty slut in this sexy-ass three way.  Anyway…
  • 4D: WARNING: May cause damnation if swallowed (FORBIDDEN FRUIT).  Are you calling the Bible a myth?  It is the Word of God, and we are offended.  Super offended.  Obviously our previous notes about boob-cutting are proof that we take God very seriously.  Greek religion?  Total crap / myth.  Our religion.  Don’t play.
  • 75D: Gainesville athlete (GATOR).  Fuck Florida.  Still not over the 2007 BCS massacre followed immediately by the 2007 basketball massacre and followed yet again by the 2008 football massacre.  Slash, speaking of the bible, Fuck Tebow.  Did you know there is apparently a bounty out in the NFL for whatever girl takes his V-card?  There is.  Abbie’s in.  (So is Eric.)

On that note, it’s time to say goodnight.  We’ve hit the f-bomb quota (thus we can’t say it in this line), and we are out.  We would like to wish Happy Birthdays to pretty much the entire planet (except those with birthdays in June.  We did not miss your birthdays) since we’ve missed everybody else.  But mostly to Kristen.  We love you so much that we have resurrected a dead blog for which we no longer knew the password, but did eventually hack into the mainframe.

Security is tight at WordPress.  Adios,
ericandabbie

Body Enhancement (7-10-11)

Posted in Bitchy on July 14, 2011 by ericandabbie

Ugh we know, we know. We’re late AGAIN. We’re not sure how you’ve made it this far in your week without knowing how many letters we missed in the crossword and we are truly sorry for any agony we’ve caused. We have a couple of good excuses: Eric traveled all the way to Fort Worth on Sunday to learn things about teaching an AP class…or something. Let’s be real, we all know teachers just booze it up and talk about how much they hate their students at these conferences. Meanwhile, Abbie’s been working a lot and also has spent every free hour moving in with Eric (and some Persian guy)!! That’s right, ericandabbie are now both a crosswording machine AND housemates. We imagine that this amount of symbiosis can only be extremely beneficial to our honed crosswording craft (or totally detrimental; only time will tell!!) Abbie’s been trying to live up her title of John 2.0 (we miss you, John!) while also slipping in as many pink things as possible into the apartment (surprise, Eric and Sam!)

Anyway, ON WITH THE SHOW:

Body Enhancements. Tee hee. Wait, damnit – we’re not talking about boobs?!? Yeah, this puzzle seriously didn’t live up to the hype. Basically, take a body part (like FINGER) come up with a phrase that involves said body part (like CHICKEN FINGER) and now add a random letter that turns that phrase into a zany answer (56A: Disorderly poultry workers? CHICKEN FLINGERS). Hilarity ensues! And by “hilarity,” we mean disgruntled groaning.

Easy theme aside, the puzzle was really difficult!! A lot of the clues/answers were really obscure, lots of long answers that weren’t themed, and it took us almost 2 hours to complete. BUT we struggled through and only got three wrong (which, trust us, had you seen our grid about 20min before we finished, you’d be proud of us too).

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 25A: Mount for the god Neptune (SEAHORSE) So first off, pumped for the Roman god name instead of the Greek Poseidon! Yeah, Rome! Second, Abbie was pissed at herself for not recalling some undersea mountain…until she remembered everyone riding around in Seahorse-pulled chariots in The Little Mermaid. Disney to the mythological rescue, as per usual.
  • 62A: Opera (WORKS) Eric would like to give Abbie some mad props for getting this one near the end and opening up a flood gate to a tricky area of the grid. Abbie would like to note that she’s embarrassed that it took her 1.5 hours to remember that ‘Opera‘ is the Latin plural of  ‘opus‘ meaning ‘work’ but she never turns down praise and attention so thanks, Eric!!
  • 109A: Point in the right direction? (EAST) Eric thinks it’s hilarious that Abbie has cardinal direction dyslexia and still has to say “Never Eat…” aloud before knowing that EAST is to the right. Whatevs, y’all; there’s no “East” in outer space.
  • 121A: Senders of some Christmas gifts (AUNTS) In this weeks addition of Abbie Knows the Answer 10 Minutes Into the Puzzle but Eric Disagrees and Won’t Write it in til the Very End – Eric wanted ANON here (like…anonymous?? Who sends ‘anonymous’ Christmas gifts?? Even Santa signs his name or eats all your cookies to let you know he’s been there) but obviously since Abbie’s the Christmas celebrating one here, Eric should have defaulted to her. Fail.

Notice how none of these highlights have to do with actual clever clues? Yeah, this puzzle blew.

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

  • The theme answers: major groanage here. You’ve got LIMP SERVICE to describe a tired waiter, FACET POWDER as dust on the edge of a diamond, BROWN BEATEN as a headline in a Providence sports section, and RABBIT PEARS as ‘fruit for lagomorphs.’ Just yuck all around.
  • 71A: There may be many in a family (GENUSES) Calling you out, Will, for the severe missed opportunity of PENISES here. Especially since it’s crossed with 16D: Hinged Implements (NUTCRACKERS)
  • 120A: Didn’t just spit (SHOWERED) Ew. Will Shortz, that’s gross. Take your “say it, don’t spray it” jokes back to 4th grade where they’ll still be unappreciated.
  • 70D: Morse T (DEH) We had DOT, which made sense. But apparently you need to sound out the noise that morse code machines make when they beep out letters and the one singular note makes a DEH sound. Duh, guys. We got the H later due to the cross so we even knew we were looking for the sound and STILL didn’t guess the right vowel. Blerg.
  • 74D: Stale Italian bread? (LIRA) So…we think there’s a “we call ‘money’ dough” joke here…but like, it’s stale because they don’t use LIRA anymore, they use the euro? Or…um…we got nothing.
  • 85D: Maintaining one’s composure, say (TEARLESS) Oh come on, that’s just awful. Have you EVER described someone as “tearless” in this context? Like, “Yeah she took the news really well, she was totally tearless.” No, that’s horrible. Stupid word, Will.

Side note: we got home from Starbucks after what, we thought, was an epic performance given how hard the puzzle was. And then Sam told us about how the US women came back against Brazil and we watched those highlights and basically our performance maybe wasn’t as epic as we thought. Here’s to a repeat for us and the women this Sunday!

USA! USA! USA!

ericandabbie

T Mobile (06-26-2011)

Posted in Bitchy on June 26, 2011 by ericandabbie

T-Mobile blows, so you know it’s not going to be a good puzzle.  David Levinson Wilk, you are on notice.  The theme was pedestrian.  Take a phrase with a ‘t’ somewhere in it and move the ‘t’ one space left or right.  Now you have a new phrase that kind of makes sense.  Take, for example, 40A: Celebration after a 1964 heavyweight championship? (FETE OF CLAY).  So, take the incredibly common phrase “feet of clay”, move the ‘t’ one space to the left, and you have the celebration for Cassius Clay, or rather of Cassius Clay (good work with the preposition there, NYT).  So, yeah, basically, that.  We got five wrong, but two we just forgot to update after we caught our mistake.  So, three wrong.  Abbie only got two wrong, but she was outvoted by Mary who felt so confident that she promised us that we could choke her if she was wrong.  She was and then had a suddenly urgent appointment to get to.  Odd coincidence, no?

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 20A: Cry from a balcony (O ROMEO).  Eric had LOOK OUT BELOW, HOW’S THE WEATHER DOWN THERE, and LOOK AT ME, none which were right.  Props to Abbie, as per yoush.
  • 25A: Penn State campus site (ALTOONA).  Hey Mr. Ryan!  Go Lions!
  • 68A: Shriners’ headwear: Var. (FEZES).  Fez is a great word, not used nearly enough.  And, more importantly, fezes are not worn nearly enough (which perhaps explains the uncommon usage).  Also note how we spelled the word.  The plural of “fez” should probably be “fezes”.  Why is this a variation?  Is there another spelling? (Fezzes?)  (Note: yes.)
  • 59A: Scarlett O’Hara’s real first name (KATIE).  Mary assured us that it began with an ‘s’ and her middle name is Carly, thus leading to S.Carly, thus Scarlett.  We’re not sure why we hang out with Mary.  (For those who are interested Scarlett was her middle name (good try Mary).  Her full name is Katie Scarlett O’Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler.  In retrospect, a better book would have had her marrying Misters Caldwell, Anthony, Harding, Thomas, Orwell, and Adams, making her Katie SOHCAHTOA.  Good effort, Margaret Mitchell, good effort.)
  • 110A: Team that once played at Enron Field (ASTROS).  Technically, every team in the National League once played there, the ‘Stros just a few more times than most.  Go Houston!
  • 102A: Love before war? (PRE-MARTIAL SEX).  Theme clue that didn’t suck.  We spent a while with PRE-MARTIAL LAW before Abbie pointed out that that didn’t make any sense in any way.  Hee-hee.
  • 107A: Shocking, in a way (TASING).  Abbie once saw a guy volunteer to get tased for two Tecates.  He was tased, he got the beers, it’s a win-win.  ericandabbie would not have agreed to this exchange.  Tasing for Andre’s.  Bring.  It.  On.
  • 3D: One hit by a tuba (LOW NOTE).
  • 18D: Thief, in Yiddish (GANEF).  Doctor Ganef, if you’re out there, not every malady requires four MRIs and a PET scan.
  • 88D: Southwest Africa’s ____ Desert (NAMIB).  We got this, and then Abbie pointed out that this might have something to do with Namibia being in Southwest Africa.  We don’t care enough to check it out, but it probably does.  We will be accepting this as fact from now on.

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

  • 31A: “Hang on ___” (A MO).  This is what you yell when you die before you can tell someone to hang on a moment.  We guess.  Also, AMO lends intself to a pretty classic clue.  “____, amas, amat” anyone?
  • 48A: Not so big (RUNTIER).  First, that’s not a word.  Secondly, it should be “not as big” since we’re using the imaginary comparitive of the imaginary adjective runty (runt with an arbitrary ‘y’ at the end).  When clueing fake words, grammar is key.
  • 24D: When doubled, a number puzzle (KEN).  Yes, we know you also make Ken-Ken, Will Shortz.  Stop whoring yourself out.  “____ Shortz, best editor in the world.”  That sucks.
  • 1980s music references.  1A: KDLANG, 79A: LET’S DANCE, 95A: ELO.  As far as we’re concerned, one is pushing it.
  • 1940s movie references.  54A: LOY, 59A: KATIE.  Seriously?  The people who enjoyed those films are dead.  Or senile.  Or Abbie, whose dream man is Jimmy Stewart, so…
  • 42A: Filmmaker Allen (IRWIN).  Irwin Allen?  Apparently he was kind of the shit in the ’60s and ’70s.  That punk-ass bitch Woody came in and stole the title of Filmmaker Allen.  Sorry Irwin.  Also, sorry that your name is Irwin.  Unfortunate.

That’s it.  Sorry we sucked.  Especially to John.  This was John’s last puzzle before he moves to Chicago this week.  He will be popping-in for some Skyped cameos, but we will miss his levity and ignorance.

Fuck you John,
ericandabbie