Myth-Labeled (06-03-2012)

Guys.  Did you think we’d go a whole year without a post!?  Well, we did too.  But, in honor of Kristen’s birthday, even though she’s being a little impatient with us being four days late / eleven months late, we are back.  In a big way!  Almost…

So, to catch you up to speed… since we last posted, Eric has left his job, the space shuttle program has ended, and we now live together, which makes you think we have more time to do this… but listen, do y’all have RedZone!?  That shit takes up a Sunday like nobody’s business.  Touchdown Montage for the win!  So that’s where we were this fall.  This spring is harder to explain.  Suffice to say that, well, time flies when you’re having fun and when the WordPress interface blows.  GUI, hahaha.


Also, we’ve completed seven puzzles over the last year. Or, rather, seven puzzles in 2011, and um, we’re ohfer in 2012. And yes, these are obviously hanging over the mantle.

On to the puzzle.  The theme was a bigoted attempt to make fun of people with lithpth.  At least, because we’re super-racist, that’s what WE assumed (note: people with lithpth are a rathe).  Turns out, the puzzle has a really stupid theme about what would happen in myths had warning labels (eg. 96A “WARNING: Do not open” PANDORA’S BOX).  In typical bigot fashion, however, there was not a single reference to Jews.  Way to go, Will.  Way.  To.  Go.


  • 22A: Saint Clare of Assisi’s Sister (AGNES).  This is a highlight because there is some Saint Agnes that Abbie claims to have read about who chopped off her boobs in the name of the Lord.  Granted, she went to a kind of weird Catholic school.  Anyhow, we have checked out St. Agnes on Wikipedia and we do not believe that this is real.  We have verified by googling “Saint who cut off her boobs.”  It was Agatha.  Our b–, y’all.
  • 91: _____ Creed (statement of religious beliefs) NICENE.  We like the clarification because otherwise we thought it was THE BEST BAND EVER IS.
  • 2D: Actor Cary (ELWES).  Twuuuuue Wuv.
  • 15D: Antediluvian (AGE OLD).  We like this because if you
    Genesis 7: And lo the waters raged upon the earth, forming vaginas to swallow up all but the lucky animals saved on Noah’s ark.

    wikipedia antediluvian (which we had to do because we did not know what the word meant), you learn two things.  First, antediluvian means before the “deluge” (or biblical flood), and two, it is quite possible to draw a flood as a vagina.

  •  42D: Oscar winner for “Little Miss Sunshine” (ALAN ARKIN).  “She’s a superfreak.   Superfreak.  She’s super-freaky…”
  • 61D: Fictional friend of Peter the goatherd (HEIDI)  We’d like to discuss this clue.  First, who is Peter the goatherd?  Why isn’t he a goatherd-er?  Is he the herd?  Crazy.  Second, we like the idea of a fictional friend, as opposed to an imaginary friend.  An imaginary friend is someone who isn’t real, but a fictional friend is a friend who you write a book about to justify the fact that, still, he is not real.  Also, why is her name Heidi?  Is she a goat?  A goatherd?  Or a goatherder?  Fun fact: Abbie’s boobs are named Ingrid and Heidi.  Eric’s balls are named Matt and Damon.  Seriously dude, contact us.  (Keepin’ it classy on WordPress.  Sorry there’s no butt sex this time, but we are trying our best to make up for it.)
  • 46D: Like Spam (PRE-COOKED).  Yum.  We mean, yum?  Also, Abbie once had a Spam calendar.  Like every
    This is the actual calendar. Available for purchase at Umm, do they know it’s 2012?

    month came with a different recipe.  She got it for like 30% off because it was already March when she got it.  But it included such hits as “January: Put it on bread” and “February: Barf it back up”.

  • 99D: “Young Frankenstein” role (INGA).  Roll, roll, roll in zie hay.  It was between her and Igor.  “Walk this way.  No, THIS way.”


  • 72A meets 68D: Saloon singer Sylvia / “Bewitched” regular Paul (SYMS / LYNDE).  Our only mistake.  We correctly guessed the vowel sound would be a short ‘i’, but we went with the ‘i’ and not the sometimes ‘y’.  Damn you Will Shortz.Image


  • 37A: John (LAV).  Hey John!  Sorry we ignored your call during the puzzle, and even sorrier that your name means toilet.  And even more sorry that Sam tried to pretend like Eric was cheating on you with Abbie when in fact we all know that you’re the dirty slut in this sexy-ass three way.  Anyway…
  • 4D: WARNING: May cause damnation if swallowed (FORBIDDEN FRUIT).  Are you calling the Bible a myth?  It is the Word of God, and we are offended.  Super offended.  Obviously our previous notes about boob-cutting are proof that we take God very seriously.  Greek religion?  Total crap / myth.  Our religion.  Don’t play.
  • 75D: Gainesville athlete (GATOR).  Fuck Florida.  Still not over the 2007 BCS massacre followed immediately by the 2007 basketball massacre and followed yet again by the 2008 football massacre.  Slash, speaking of the bible, Fuck Tebow.  Did you know there is apparently a bounty out in the NFL for whatever girl takes his V-card?  There is.  Abbie’s in.  (So is Eric.)

On that note, it’s time to say goodnight.  We’ve hit the f-bomb quota (thus we can’t say it in this line), and we are out.  We would like to wish Happy Birthdays to pretty much the entire planet (except those with birthdays in June.  We did not miss your birthdays) since we’ve missed everybody else.  But mostly to Kristen.  We love you so much that we have resurrected a dead blog for which we no longer knew the password, but did eventually hack into the mainframe.

Security is tight at WordPress.  Adios,

2 Responses to “Myth-Labeled (06-03-2012)”

  1. Allison Says:

    Thanks you Jesus (Abbie) /Yaweh (Eric). Laughed so hard I cried. True story. Keep writing!! Love, Allison

  2. Loved it!! Please come back…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: