Get Ready to Roll (03-27-2011)

We rarely speak highly of puzzles, so when we began a post not too long ago with “THE BEST BESTEST OMG FRICKIN’ BEST PUZZLE EVER!” we were serious.  Indeed, we were so serious we didn’t even make fun of the puzzle maker, Kevin Der’s, silly last name.  Kevin, buddy, we thought we were pals; we thought you had our back on puzzles.  Where did we go wrong?  Why did you stop returning our calls?  I mean, we had a great time with you, and you seemed to feel the same way… And then, out of nowhere, THE WORST WORSTEST OMG FRICKIN’ WORST PUZZLE EVER!  Kevin, take us back!  Out of respect for the romance that we had, we will continue to not make fun of your last name, but we will rip you a new one over this puzzle.

So here’s the deal folks, it’s a bowling puzzle.  Four pin bowling it appears.  Also there are gutters, and a ball.  And the ball is apparently moving in quantum space wherein it appears four times in the puzzle in different locations.  Meanwhile, there are three clues in the puzzle that relate to bowling if you read Rex and he tells you that they in fact relate to bowling.  To the untrained eye 49D: “5-4 ruling, eg.” (SPLIT DECISION) looks like a clue about the Supreme Court.  To the psychic puzzler, it is obviously a reference to the 7-10 split in bowling, which, for the record, this puzzle doesn’t have because, again, there are four pins.  We also have 101D: “Suited to a person’s strength” (UP ONES ALLEY) and 9D: “A bit of free time” (SPARE MOMENT), which, again, have nothing to do with bowling, but presumably relate to bowling.  To be fair, the gutters were cool, and we got all four pins though we were missing two balls, because, again, we’re used to bowling with one at a time.

Also, WTF with the mini baseball theme on the right hand side where you have 81D: “Nine” (BASEBALL TEAM) and 69D: “Child-sized mitt” (T-BALL GLOVE) and 111D: “Said no fair!” (CRIED FOUL).  That threw us for a loop.  Also the overall suckiness, that didn’t help either.

HIGHLIGHTS

• 148A: “Cheat” (SHYSTER).  Abbie enjoys that it’s a fun word.  Eric insists it is misspelled.  Going to Wikipedia.  BRB.  We have confirmed the spelling in the puzzle, but we have also learned that it is an anti-Semitic word.  Fuck you, Kevin Der.
• 117A: “Kind of gun” (NERF).  In this day and age, in which there is so much violence in the world, do we really have to bring guns into the Times puzzle?  Oh, wait!?  It’s Nerf!  Right on, bro‼
• 80A: “Shot source” (BB GUN).  Ooooh.  Sad.
• 64A: “Pooh’s pal” (TIGGER).  We had PIGLET, which was fun.  And then we changed it to T-Double Guh-Er, which was super beer and skittles.
• 47A / 142D: Both reference the Dutch.  Hi Mom!

WILL SHORTZ’S KEVIN DER’S MISTAKES

• 26A: “Off-white pottery” (CREAMWARE).  I mean, you got your plastic and your silver and your tupper.  Creamware?  Really?  Pottery is not “ware”.  You made that word up, Mr. Der.
• 69D: “Child-sized mitt” (T-BALL GLOVE).  You mean SMALL BASEBALL GLOVE?
• 19A: “Century in Amer. politics” (US SENATE) You have got to be kidding!  A century is one hundred years.  That’s it.  We Googled it.  It does not mean the number one hundred, that’s why we have the number one-hundred.  “American political entity with one hundred people”… we got your US SENATE right here.  “100 years of American politics”… we’ll go with the 20^th, ‘cause it was good.  No Civil Wars and no 9-11.  So, overall, good century.  I mean, Pearl Harbor, but, you know, that was Hawaii which wasn’t a state until 1959 (a) and (b) we won that war, so… pretty good century.
  

  You want this guy giving you financial advice? Apparently yes!

Abbie: So, John, would you like to come do your guest bitch?
John: Sure.
Abbie: I forgot what it’s about.
John: Yeah.  Everybody forgets about me.
Eric: **hug**

• 100D: “How some shares are sold” (AT PAR).  As our resident investment banker, to what kind of shares are you referring Kevin?  Shares of stock?  If so, you’re wrong.  Shares are legally issued by companies “at par,” an amount usually between $.01 and $1.00; however this is purely a legal/accounting definition.  Shares are actually sold way above par on an open exchange.  I would have accepted “at market value,” “OTC,” or any other reasonable response.  Please don’t confuse the masses Kevin; this is how credit crises occur.  Basically you are directly responsible for the worst financial calamity since the Great Depression.  Thanks jerk.
• Technically this one isn’t Kevin Der’s mistake, but since his mistake led to that incredibly boring rant from John, it’s being included.  Folks, we’re sorry about that last bullet point, John’s a bitchy bitcher.  But, hey, we all learned something.  THE MORE YOU KNOW… DING‼
• 1A: “Ornate” (BUSY).  Do you know what ornate means?  Apparently not.
• 97A: “Howard’s End role” (EVIU).  Not actually a mistake as far as we know, but who the hell is Eviu?  Whoever named that character made a mistake.  Is he Elihu Root’s brother (see a post where we mentioned him… we don’t remember which one and we’re not going to look it up for you, you lazy shit).  We’re so upset, we’re not even going to Wikipedia for verification.  Eviu, we don’t care about you.  But we do want to remember your name for future puzzles.  (Also Tami Hoag’s name.  That comes up a lot.)
• 105A: “Waited longer than” (OUT SAT).  Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.  That’s Survivor, and that’s great.  There’s a reason why the execs at CBS did not go with OUT SAT.  It’s stupid.  Also, ericandabbie are capable of waiting upright.  Why must you be sitting while you wait?  Perhaps there is an old lady who would like your seat, and that’s just rude.  Kevin Der, you bitch.  (We’re sorry.  Please take us back.)

17A: “Niña accompanier”
Abbie: I bet it’s the PINTA.
Eric: That’s the Nina stupid.  It doesn’t have the “y” sound.
Abbie: ….so?

(90 minutes later)

Eric: It’s the PINTA.
Abbie: I WIN!  I WIN!  I WIN!
John: Pound it.

ericandabbie

PS – It was the PINTA.  Apparently we’ve been saying “Niña” wrong for 500 years.  We should fix that, don’t you think?