Archive for February, 2011

V-2 (2-27-2011)

Posted in Most Bitchy on February 27, 2011 by ericandabbie

Hey, hey, ericandabbie here. No offense to our Roman Fetishists (HEY-OH), but you have been replaced by a new and even better search term; earlier this week, two people found us via “jesus rolling dice.” Ummm. Thanks, guys. Hope you stick around even though we, uh, we don’t know what exactly you’re looking for.

This veek’s puzzle vas pür shit. (Notice the double-v.) First off, the V2 (which is far inferior to D2: The Mighty Ducks Sequel) is the rocket that launched the first US Satellite into space. So it’s a confusing title since it’s supposed to refer to having answers with two ‘v’s. It’d be like if there were eight Vs, and we were all thinking about vegetable juice. Second off, the letter ‘v’ blows. And third off, 1D: “Eighth Hebrew letter” was misspelled. It can be CHET,or Π. But that’s it! Heth!? What the hellshit is that. I’ll tell you what, Mr. Peter A. Collins, you are a goy. Anyhow, the theme answers had two words starting with ‘V’—eg. 27A: John McCain and John Kerry (VIETNAMVETS). We were confident the answer was LOSERS, so it threw us off.

(PS – the puzzle is multiple colors b/c we had to sandwich two xword sessions around a Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never showing that CHANGED ABBIE’S LIFE. Love you, JB)

HIGHLIGHTS

• Nothing. This puzzle sucked.

Ok, seriously - whose first crush WASN'T Benny 'The Jet' Rodriguez?

• 34A: “For-EV-er” (EONS). Fuck the answer. The Sandlot is a great film.

• 107A: “Keepers of the flame?” (VESTAL VIRGINS). While you may no longer be as cool as “jesus rolling dice”, we still love our Roman Fetishists.

• 3D: “Post-flood locale”. We were thinking like ROOFS, HIGH GROUND, something like that. Then we see 6D: “About 16,900 ft., for 3-Down” and all of a sudden we were like “Holy Shit. That’s fucking high. There’s a flood coming. Better start climbing Everest!” (Actual answer was MT. ARARAT. Which is presumably made-up, anyways.)

• 94D: “Catch some flies” (SHAG). We were kinda pumped that shagging balls made it into the puzzle.

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

• 1D: Seriously. It sucked.

• 24A: “Like most Western music” (TONAL). Cuz, you know, most music doesn’t use tones, so it’s a unique trait of Western music.

• 88A: “Canyonlands National Park features” (MESAS). Doesn’t it feature canyons?

• 102A: “Congolese River” (UELE). Pretty sure it’s just called “The Congo.”

• 98A: “Quality of new-fallen snow” (WHITENESS). Pretty, pristine, tranquil, picturesque, and, apparently, racist. We don’t see color, Will Shortz.

• 106A, 111A, 112A, 113A, 115A, 116A, 117A, 118A, and 121A: None of these are words. MRI, EEG, AEC,EDE, OSU, INT, SSE, RUR, NTS. WTF, FML!

• 14D: “Cadence syllables” (HUPS). We checked with Sam (he’s like John, but hairier and

And this is what happened when we google-imaged "HUPS," so, I guess the Germans know what's up?

scarier (he’s Persian)), and he agrees that it’s BU-DUM, BU-DUM. Three against one, Will Shortz. Srsly, when you google “hups,” things like the Houston Underwater Photographic Society (really, is there anything that doesn’t have a support group now?) and St Hupperts, the first bishop of Liege, Belgium come up. WHAT THE HELLSHIT ARE YOU SMOKING, WILL??

• 65D: “Coils” (SKEINS). We don’t know that word, and we’re not lookin’ it up. Suck on that.

• 78D: “Satisfied, for a while at least” (TIDED OVER). As native English speakers, we’re pretty sure this verb tense does not exist.

• 12D: “Some gunfire” (SALVOES). Is that a synonym for “loud?”

• The two random Vs in the puzzle that don’t cross with anything. It’s called a crossword, damnit, not an “isolated letter puzzle”.
That’s it. Sucky puzzle. A sign of its suckiness: Eric got “VESTAL VIRGINS” and Abbie got “ELEMENTS”, and no one got “HUPS.” (obvi BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMOKING, WILL??)

We’ll try to do better next time,
ericandabbie

Wunderbar! (02-20-2011)

Posted in Least Bitchy on February 20, 2011 by ericandabbie

Eric and Abbie here.  For the first time since January we have puzzled together at our beloved Starbucks.  Two mistakes.  Still not perfect.  God dammit.  We are sooooooo close.  One day… one day… when we get it all, by the way, there will be a party at Eric’s place with, you guessed it, beer.  And skittles.  Beer and skittles.  FUN!

To the puzzle… This week’s puzzle was entitled “We’re Running Out of Ideas and Are Reusing one from Last Week… Our Bad”, or for short, “Wunderbar!”  As with last week’s puzzle in which you added the letters B-A-R to clues to get not-so-clever answers, this week’s theme was to remove the letters B-A-R to get ridiculously stupid answers.  Instead of writing the letters, three blacks spaces on the puzzle represented the word BAR.  For example, “69A: Mattel announced their breakup in 2004” (***BIE AND KEN) (see puzzle below).

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 26A: “Band whose 1998 song ‘One Week’ was #1 for one week” (***ENAKED LADIES).  Though the theme sucked, we’re pretty pumped about a BNL reference in the puzzle and we will celebrate by having some vanilla, cuz it’s the finest of the flavors.  Also a drumstick (though it is often true that this may lead to your brain to stop tickin’.)
  • 21A: “Noted parent in tabloids” (OCTOMOM).  Done!
  • 94A: “Togo’s capital” (LOME)  Quick shout-out for Sporcle and the hours-and-hours Eric has spent learning capitals.
  • 107A: “Wars, in ancient Rome” (BELLA) Though Abbie’s upset with herself for
    forgetting that neuters don’t have ‘s’s in the plural, she did eventually get the answer.  And, as always, RO-MAN FET-ISH-ISTS‼ (CLAP, CLAP, CLAP-CLAP-CLAP)
  • 79D: “South American animal with a snout” (COATI).  Though this was one of our two mistakes, you can’t stay mad at a coati.  Look at him!  Again.  We’re soooo sorry, Coati! 

    WE LOVE YOU, COATI!

  • 32D: “Fifth word in the Gettysburg Address” (AGO).  We were pretty sure that they were counting “fourscore” as one word, but shout-out to our stellar Starbucks Employee of the Week for confirming.  Also, we thought for a time that perhaps the less quoted version of the address was the one in which Abe began, “Good Morning.  Four score AND…)
  • 50D: “Parade tootler” (PIPER).  The word tootler should be used more often.  That is all.

    Mmmmmm

  • 91D: “Garrison in Minnesota” (KEILLOR).  NPR is Chock-a-block.
  • 100D: “Recurring Matt Damon title role” (BOURNE).  Abbie: Oh.  What’s his face!?  James something.  Eric: I will kill you.  Side note: Matt – if you read this blog, and you are ever feeling curious (Eric) or frisky (Abbie), we would you let you do unspeakable things.  Note to our mothers: See picture.

WILL SHORTZ’ MISTAKES

  • 48A: “Milky Way, for one” (CHOCOLATE ***) Eric read the clue.  Abbie immediately “Spiral Galaxy!”  John laughed at her.  So insensitive.  John’s a douche.
  • 55A: “NASA recruiting site” (MIT).  NASA doesn’t recruit.  It’s fucking NASA.  Who exactly is their competition?  “I want to be an astronaut, but I’m not sure NASA has the benefits I’m looking for.”
  • 120A: “Leveling tool” (EVENER).  It’s called a fucking level, Will Shortz.
  • 11D: “Multicolored” (PIED) Whoa.  This one changes everything.  Apparently, the ‘pied’ piper was so named because he was wearing multicolored rags.  We thought it was a kind of pipe… er, a tootle that is!  This is not actually a mistake anymore.  We were all ready to bitch, and, then, wow.  What a clue!  Highlight for sure‼
  • 39D: “Jails, British slang” (QUODS).  The Slammer, The Big House, The Joint, The Pokey, The Rock, The Clink, Juvie, and Quods.  Which one of those sucks?  We are better at English than you, England.
  • 83D: “Part of the next-to-last line of the Lord’s Prayer” (DELIVER US).  We believe this is THE last line of the prayer.  Is “amen” the last line?  But, one of us hasn’t been a church in a while, and the other one killed Jesus, so…
  • 100A: “Three-stringed instruments (BALALAIKAS)  At first, we were all like, “WTF” But then Google-Imaged it and we were all like ROFL.  But now that we’ve thought about it, we’re all like, “OMG.  Why isn’t this instrument in every band!?”

This post is dedicated to us.  Also, George Washington whose birthday is on Tuesday and who, more importantly, has given Abbie tomorrow off.  Not Eric.  Thanks ____!  (For reasons of protecting our identity, Eric will not name the school system in which he works (it’s the one that isn’t off for President’s Day).  Unless Matt Damon is looking in which case just leave us a comment and we will give you whatever information you need).

Signed, ericandabbie.

Bargaining (02-13-2011)

Posted in Bitchy on February 15, 2011 by ericandabbie

Another late post.  Our bad.  Consider it a Valentine’s Day present.  You are so fucking welcome.  On that note we’d like to specifically shout-out 95A: “To be, to Augustus” (ESSE) and wish a Felicem Diem Valentinus to our Roman Fetishists, who we know were just as thrilled as Abbie with that clue.  You make our job worthwhile!  To everyone else, we hope that tonight gives you a chance to 85D: “Score on a night out” (GET LUCKY).  (Note: We are not making this clue up.  Someone got paid $1000 for that clue.  What the hell have you done with your life!?)  In our first post, we mentioned the clue 22A: “Are we not joking about that yet?” (TOO SOON).  We’re sticking with that as the BEST CLUE EVER, but we have a close second in this week’s puzzle.  Overall not a great puzzle, but some chock-a-block moments.

The theme is worth clarifying since the title is totally unhelpful.  Read the title as “Bar Gaining”, and if you use your imagination you can get kinda sorta close to what the theme is.  It’s to take a typical expression (like “The Da Vinci Code”) and add the word bar to it to get 42A: “Lines on a Dan Brown best seller?” (THE DA VINCI BAR CODE).  If you’re ROFLing about the theme, you need a life.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 116D: “Kenan’s old partner on Nickelodeon” (KEL).  Remember the episode when they went on “The Newlywed’s” as Kenan and Kelly to win money, and the last question was to Kenan: “What is your wife’s favorite drink?” and he said “Orange Soda”, but Kel said: “No.  Kel loves Orange Soda.  But Kelly likes Root Beer.” Cuz I do.  I do, I do, I do-oo.
  • 75A: “Where dimwitted people pay to drink?” (CASH BAR FOR CLUNKERS).  Abbie: I liked it.  John: Ugh.  That’s terrible.
  • 2D: “City in Kyrgyzstan” (OSH).  So, Eric didn’t know this for sure, but the capital of Kyrgyzstan is Bishkek, so that doesn’t fit.   And the capitol of Turkmenistan is Oshgabat, so Eric surmised (SAT word) that it’s possible that “osh” means city, or something, so he guessed it, and it was right.  Abbie surmises, as a side-note, that the reason Eric is spending his Valentine’s Day blogging with Abbie at House of Pies is because of how much time he spent on Sporcle learning the above information.
  • In somewhat related news, John just said “Oh.  That’s right.  Happy Valentine’s Day.”  He apparently did not notice that we were on a sexy date wearing sexy clothes.  What a shmuck.
  • 1A: “Small reminders” (POST-ITS).  Post-Its are beer-and-skittles. 

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

  • 84A: “Smoothie Ingredients” (ORANGES).  Yeah.  But only if you’re having an orange smoothie.  It should have said “Ingredients in Orange Smoothies and Orange-Flavored Things.”
  • 73D: “Bruised, in a way” (ACHY).  Don’t break my heart.  My bruised-in-a-way-heart…
  • 6D: “Headwear worn over dreadlocks” (TAMS).  John: That doesn’t suck, you just didn’t know the answer.  Eric and Abbie: That’s why it sucks.  Abbie is currently on a rampage about whether the word is plural.  Also she just questioned whether it’s a technical term or something that stoned Rastafarians say.  Eric wasn’t listening.

It is 9:00, well past Eric’s bedtime.  This post has no pictures because we wrote it at House of Π which does not have WiFi.  So primitive.  Finitum.

High School Reunion (2-6-2011)

Posted in Most Bitchy on February 6, 2011 by ericandabbie

Ok guys. This week is about dedication: Abbie is in Dallas and just watched her Steelers lose in tragic fashion to Green Bay (good game, Packers. I’ll still be able to sleep tonight knowing that it wasn’t Brett Favre who won it for you), Eric’s in Florida and could only do the crossword at 8am, and Abbie forgot her computer charger and is writing this post on her BlackBerry. But we’re here for YOU even when we want to tear our hair out at the sight of a giddy Aaron Rodgers ughhhhhhh.

Anywho, this puzzle was maybe the worst thing we’ve ever seen in our lives. We needed all the recruits we could muster (aka everyone staying at my house) to help out and we STILL missed two letters. Let’s discuss:

The theme was ridiculous. It was this weird story that you had to finish the sentences of and it ended up with this awful joke and I just can’t even imagine any world in which Will Shortz decided that paying $1000 for this puzzle was ok. Next week, I’m gonna scribble on a sheet of computer paper with a crayon and send that to Will Shortz for NYT crossword consideration.

Oh , damn. Think we usually do HIGHLIGHTS first. I’m so lost without my other half. No, not Eric – the Lombardi trophy. Le sigh.

HIGHLIGHTS

  • 65A: Michelle’s predecessor (LAURA) Eric liked this. I didn’t. Chalk it up to creative differences I guess.
  • 5D: ___ Michele of “Glee” (LEA) Omg I’m watching the Superbowl episode of Glee right now!!! Like totally fer sure zomg!!

Oh god everything sucked so bad.

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

  • 8A: Certain Bias (RACISM) Ummm awk? Are we calling racism just a bias now? I’m pretty sure “bias” is better used when discussing a partiality of ham over turkey or something like that. But, um, ok?
  • 43D: Space Movie Villain (HAL) I mean, sure, that’s fine but there are some WAYYYY better space movie villains to choose from: the aliens from Independence Day, those huge-brained guys from Mars Attacks!, the Earth-dooming asteroid from Armageddon. These are all better answers, obvi.

The rest was stupid. And my thumbs hurt. This keyboard is tiny. We’ll be back on a normal-sized keyboard next week.