The Wish (12-12-2010)

Let’s start simple: this puzzle blows.  Pretend that the title is “The W is H”, meaning all the Ws are turned into Hs.  Rex pointed out that there are no Ws in the entire puzzle, which is pretty sweet, but everything else about the puzzle sucks.  Despite the suckiness of the puzzle, or maybe because of it, we kind of rocked it.  We filled in the entire grid, but made five mistakes.  It took us under an hour and a half, but only 35 minutes to determine it sucked.

HIGHLIGHTS

122A: “Fictitious Plaza resident” (ELOISE) Abbie was stoked she made the puzzle.  And why not!?  Look at her.  She’s so cute.  Speaking of cute, this week, Eric had the cutest thing happen.  This sixth grader missed his bus because he rides with his big brother, and without his brother he was clueless.  So I drove him home, and then I helped him get ready for his first date at the middle school dance.  And he was nervous.  And it was precious.  Here’s Eloise:

9D: “Manischewitz products” (MATZOHS).  Thanks for finally not being super-insensitive, Will Shortz.

That is all.  Again, this puzzle blew.  And now the bitching begins:

WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES

1A: “Lady Bird Johnson’s middle name” (ALTA) is Bird.  End of story.

9A: “Wolf” (MASHER).  Eric checked with his Dad who vaguely knows the term (PS – We’re talking about a wolf as a playa… the fourth definition of the word).  Our guess is that the term goes back to the ‘30s.  “We’re going to head to the speakeasy to mash some ladies”…I guess…

25A: “Nine Muses after dieting?” (THIN SISTERS).  So going with the theme, this should be TWIN SISTERS, but the W is changed to an H.  Get it?  You shouldn’t, cuz it’s stupid.  How the hell are there nine twin sisters, when twin, by definition, means two.  Also, we googled it, and Eric’s computer nearly got a virus, so it’s obviously not true.  On a related note, this clue is so terrible that when we got it Abbie loudly dropped an F-bomb in the middle of Starbucks.  Very embarrassing.

THEME ANSWERS: Get ready for this because they all suck.  Remember that these are phrases that have a W which has been changed to an H:

22A: “Tempo for a stringed instrument” (HARP SPEED) sucks

25A: “Nine Muses after dieting?” (THIN SISTERS) worst one

34A: “Alien attackers goal” (GLOBAL HARMING) warming and harming don’t rhyme…

68A: “Rush hour control” (HASTE MANAGEMENT) Abbie’s fave

99A: “Choice of the right door on “Let’s Make a Deal” (HINGED VICTORY) winged vs. hinged.  Does the creator even speak English? Let’s see…it’s Karen Young Bonin.  Is that a joke name?  Worst pen name ever.

116A: “Like tuned in listeners” (READY TO HEAR) hear vs. wear.  WTF!?  It’s like that song that Eric’s Dad sings for Hanukkah… “and thy WORD, broke their SWORD [pronounced “surd”]”…

118A: “Orlando team water boy, eg.” (MAGIC HAND) see below

16D: “Flock after a rainstorm” (CLEAN SHEEP) that was kind of cute

73D: “Tortoise’s opponent after finishing second” (SILVER HARE) Eric’s fav

Eric: Okay.  What’s next -what else sucked?
Abbie: No.  Can we just talk about MAGIC HAND and how that’s the stupidest?
Eric: Okay…
Abbie: It’s just stupid.  Like…is the…I guess he’s like a handy boy or like a stage hand perhaps except that it’s magic wand but it’s magic hand because he helps out… I don’t know, it just makes me mad… [unintelligible mumbling]

38D: “Robert Louis Stevenson title character” (MR HYDE).  No.  The options are Mr. Treasure, Mr. Island, Mr. Robinson, or Mr. Crusoe.  Hyde can fuck himself.  (Abbie: Oh.  Cuz he’s like two people, so that’s kind of sexy.)  (Abbie again: Dammit, Eric.  My parents read this.)

75A: “Chicken for dinner” (BROILER).  No.  Broiled, maybe – you cook it in a broiler.  Apparently, Will Shortz is a chauvinist who has never cooked a chicken.  To Mrs. Shortz, we apologize.  Also, Abbie adds “Man up.  Or Woman up.”

LOOK AT IT!

117D: “Suffix with pay” (OLA).  There are some definitions for “payola”, but, whatever, it’s a sucky word.

83D: “Ring tailed animal” (COATI).  What the hell is a … awww… look at it

On that adorable note, we bid adieu.  Next week Abbie will be watching the REDSKINS ROCK THE COWGIRLS, so we may not blog until Monday.  But you know it will be worth the wait.  Maybe.

One Response to “The Wish (12-12-2010)”

  1. Christopher Says:

    Pedant hat on. Doesn’t that look snazzy: Broiler is a kind of chicken. I swear. See, the Internet agrees with me.

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