Ladies and Gentleman –
Scratch that. You’re reading THIS blog. In that case…
Slackers and Loafers –
In my life, I have made mistakes. I have let love slip away, and I have cowardly stood down when I knew I should stand up. When they came for the Catholics, I didn’t speak up because I’m getting a little sick of Abbie and Dylan and, to be perfectly honest, Benedict. But, I have never before stood with my head bowed in such disgrace as I do now, for failing to post a blog this past week. Abbie had family in town and a business trip and she entrusted me (if you still don’t know, this is Eric) with the blog. I wish I knew what General Rommel said to Hitler after D-Day. I would use those words now to apologize for the shame I have brought on myself, my family, and my people (Jews and Gays… a double whammy) by not posting last week. I know not how I will make it up to you, but I hope that you will be satisfied with this small entry:
Last week, we didn’t do good. Mary was here, which was fun. Maddy and Will were not helpful, and we were recovering from our BEER AND SKITTLES high the week before (did I say high? I meant tummy-acheL). The puzzle was written by a Jew‼ That is all.
Moving right along..
WE DID IT‼ We sat in the same seats we sat in two weeks ago, lightning struck twice in the same place (and it’s totally to blame for the fact that we broke two porcelain Starbucks mugs in our excitement today… our b), and we have a second framed puzzle for the mantle (to go with the Purple Glaze ceramic dragon, obviously).
The theme was (Abbie votes “ehh” and Eric votes “yucky-poo”) not great. It’s things you pull: in an expression like ONE’S LEG, literally like a GUN TRIGGER, or via a mesmerizing machine like SALT WATER TAFFY. No trick, no pun, we got half the clues and were still like “Dammit! What are we missing?” Turns out, nothing. We are not celebrating with BEER AND SKITTLES today because when you win once in a while, it’s fun. But when you win all the time, it just causes indigestion. From now on, we are using the phrase “BLOG AND NAP” to describe the joy of winning. GET PUMPED!
- 9A: Rimsky-Korsakov’s “The Tale of ____ Saltan” (TSAR) Eric likes this spelling better.
- 28A: Stickers? (SYRINGES). It’s just clever, cuz they, you know, stick you. Also, the Titty Towers.
- 30A: ___ Day, May 1 celebration in Hawaii (LEI). Pronounced “Lay Day”, and you presumably understand now why it’s a highlightJ
- 49A: Something that’s drawn (BATH) It’s clever cuz it’s true. Although, really, who takes baths these days? Why are they wasting so much water? Do they want the world to end? How much you wanna bet Will Shortz takes baths… gah!
- 99A: Loughlin of “Full House” (LORI). Eric was excited about “Full House” in sort of a general way. Abbie was specifically
excited that she got to run through the whole damn family-tree of the Tanner household (+ Kimmy and Steve). FUN FACT: Steve was the voice of Aladdin in, um, Beauty and the Beast, we think. No. A different Disney film. “Like seriously, Steve is like my dream man. It’d be like Steve, Aladdin, and Jimmy Stewart.” –Abbie (Note that two of them are not real and the other one is dead. Dianne, definitely pin your grandchild hopes on the other two.) (See below for what Abbie’s dream fantasy land might look like.)
- 40D: Trolley sound (CLANG) Technically, the trolley goes “clang clang clang”, but we accept. It most certainly does not go “ding ding ding”, which would be the bell.
- 66D: Ain’t fixed? (IS NOT) “Well, he ain’t… I mean, he IS NOT” Oh, Will Shortz! You silly grammar Nazi, you!
- 110D: Old NASA landers (LEMS) Whoot, whoot!
WILL SHORTZ’S MISTAKES
- 14D: Old Church of England foe (_ _ _ IST). Obviously the answer is CHRIST. Henry VIII wanted to divorce and behead his wives. Jesus didn’t, so Henry declared war on Christ. As far as we know, the jury is still out on who won. PS – The answer was actually PAPIST.
- 46A: Rest spot (COT). You get no rest on cots. That shit is uuuuuuuuuncomfortable. You’re totes better off on the floor.
- 47A: Place for a pickup? (NAPE). At first, ericandabbie were trying to turn each other on by tickling the back of the other’s neck (which was met by some curiously excited stares at our gay Starbucks). Abbie has since figured out that the clue must refer to how mama dogs carry their babies by the NAPE. I mean, we guess that’s what it is. Stupid though.
- 107D: S.C. Johnson brand (RAID). What isn’t an SC Johnson brand? Basically the clue was “four-letter word (not THE four letter word, just A four letter word… or maybe THE, not sure if SC Johnson has managed to trademark that yet…)”
- Roy. We believe that Will Shortz used his demonic powers (where is Buffy when you need her!?) to direct Roy to the table next
to us. He generously asked an old man reading a newspaper whether he could share the table to work (which was weird since there were empty tables), then he began peppering this poor guy with questions and talking about a play that he wrote or directed, or, whatever. Then he reaches over to the next table and starts talking to that guy about the books he’s reading. He stopped a woman to ask if she bedazzled her own jeans or bought them that way. And then, horror of horrors, when we were discussing 104A: Killjoy (SOURPUSS) he leaned over and asked us, “What’s sourpuss?” Eric stared at the puzzle and pretended to concentrate. Abbie, not being a huge bitch, said “It’s an answer.” And he snootily replied, “Well, I know that!” And we’re not so sure that he did know that! Anyway, after two more minutes of trying to get rid of him, he found someone else to bother. She maced him. Not really, but we think that would have been a fitting end. We’re going to go ahead and blame Roy for our wrecking two ceramic mugs, too.
Guess it’s time for a nap,